30th April

One of the great lines was uttered today in 1945 when Hjalmar Schacht said, 'I wouldn't believe Hitler was dead, even if he told me so himself.' Ain't it the truth? Brilliant, Hjalmar. The man was put on trial at Nuremberg because he had been Hitler's economics minister for a while. He was not, however, a Nazi, as you'd expect from someone who was of Danish descent, brought up in New York and whose middle names were Horace Greeley.

Now, I know, dear follower, that you will be wondering if this is another of my little amusing misdirections, but, honestly, that is absolutely and totally true.

No, really.

In other news ...
John Luther Jones died today in 1900 while driving his locomotive the Cannonball Express on the Illinois Central Railroad. He was trying to make up an eight-hour delay in the mail delivery at the time and his luck ran out. Not ours, though. In the 1950s, when I was just a lad of sixty or so, they made a TV series for kids starring Alan Hale Junior called Casey Jones. If you're my vintage, you'll remember the theme song immediately - AND you'll now be singing it all day. Lucky you and any colleagues or family in ear shot.

You can thank me later.

29th April

Confusing? Coincidence? One of those tricksy little things that the Muse of History (Simon Schama) throws at us now and again? Today, in 1769 Arthur Wellesley, Britain's most brilliant soldier, was born. 120 years later Edward Kennedy Ellington, destined to become a legendary Jazz musician, accomplished the same feat. Wherein the coincidence? Mr Ellington took the name Duke and Mr Wellesley got the title Duke of Wellington. So ... Duke Ellington, Duke of Wellington. Get it?

I shall be asking questions later.

In other news ...
The Age of Aquarius dawned today in 1968 when the musical Hair opened at the Biltmore Theatre, New York. The songs and dance routines were fine but nobody cared about that. They all went to see people getting their kit off among cries of 'Vulgar', 'Juvenile', 'Offensive' and 'Good Lord, is that possible?'

Ah, great days.

28th April

This was the day when the Allies got it wrong at Versailles in 1919. Britain, the USA and especially France demanded that Germany (who wasn't even called to the negotiating table) pay £6,600 million for having started World War One. Four things to note:

1. Germany didn't start World War One - Gavrilo Princip did.
2. Germany was broke and couldn't afford to pay reparations.
3. Woodrow Wilson the American President and John Maynard Keynes the economist wanted a much more affordable reparation settlement. They were ignored.
4. Georges Clemenceau - 'the tiger' - was a vengeful reprobate who consigned his own country to defeat and occupation twenty years later.

In other news ...
Benito Mussolini became yet another in a long line of dictators - Julius Caesar, Maximilien Robespierre, the Ceausescus, Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi, Simon Cowell  (oops - typo! sorry!) - to meet their end stickily. It was 28 April 1945 and Il Duce and his mistress, Claretta Petacci, were shot, kicked, spat at and hanged upside down for the benefit of the Italian mob and the cameras.

27th April

Samuel Morse first saw the light of day today in 1791 before going on to invent the magnetic telegraph and dashing off until he became a mere dot on the horizon.

In other news ...
London Zoo opened today in 1818 but only to Fellows of the Zoological Society, who were also allowed to bring their wives and families. Gentlemen were requested not to bring whips in case they lashed out at the odd lion and ladies were warned that spring was the mating season and the management could not be held responsible for anything untoward that may go on behind the bars.
They were presumably talking about the animals and not the keepers.

26th April

Terror came from the skies today in 1937 when Hitler's Condor Legion bombed the Spanish town of Guernica.  It was target practice for the Luftwaffe in readiness for the Blitzkrieg they would unleash on the rest of Europe two years later. The only other international involvement in Spain's Fascist v Communist civil war came from the International Brigade who were prepared to stand up to the Fascist threat.
Pablo Picasso painted a memorable picture.

In other news ...
Dancer/stripper/burlesque star Gypsy Rose Lee died today in 1970. She was a brilliant hoofer and a pretty girl, but I like her famous quotation better - 'God is love, but get it in writing.'

25th April

'Let's go, children of the fatherland, the day of glory has arrived.' All right, it sounds better in the original French. These are the opening words of the Marseillaise, written on this day in 1792 by Captain Claude-Joseph Rouget de L'Isle and put to the music of a marching tune belonging to revolutionary soldiers from Marseilles. It's a rattling good song and knocks the other Six Nations efforts in international rugby into a cocked hat. It must be the only national anthem in the world that most people know much better than their own.

In other news ...
King Edward II was born today in 1284. His dad was kicking seven kinds of ordure out of the Welsh at the time and they demanded a prince who could speak no English to rule over them. Accordingly, the king appeared on the battlements of his brand-spanking-new Caernarvon castle with his baby son in his arms and said 'Here he is, then. A prince who can speak no English.' And so the future Edward II became the first Prince of Wales. He was to go on to a memorable meeting with a red-hot poker, but that's another story. And you have to ask yourself how dim could the Welsh be? You'd think they could have seen that one coming, wouldn't you?

24th April

William Joyce was born today in 1916. Better known as Lord Haw Haw because of his plummy upper-class broadcasts from Germany during World War Two, he carried American, Irish and British passports. It was the last one that got him hanged since he could legitimately be accused of treason. Nobody took his broadcasts very seriously, but the hangman got the last laugh.

In other news...
A bunch of good ol' boys formed the Ku Klux Klan today in 1866. Their leader was Nathan Bedford Forrest (named after an English footballs club) one of many ex-Confederate soldiers who couldn't accept they'd lost a war they actually couldn't possibly have won. The Klan went on to have a huge white following in the South preventing blacks from voting, obtaining jobs, education and property rights. Later Klan members extended their targets to Jews and Communists, claiming to represent the land of the free.

23rd April

The Man of the Millennium died today (no, not Churchill - that was a piece of propaganda put about by the Conservative Party) when the 'upstart crow' aka the 'swan of Avon', William Shakespeare went to that great theatre in the sky in 1616. Brilliant though his plays and poetry still are, the jury is still out on whether he actually wrote anything other than bills and petty-minded litigation. How, his critics ask, could he have written about -

• Italy, when he'd never been there,
• War, when he'd never been a soldier,
• Shylock, when he'd never even seen a Jew
• Etc
• Etc

People in his native Stratford seemed to regard him as a burgess (his dad made gloves and was involved in local politics) and a fairly stupid one at that; certainly not as a great playwright.

I think he did write the plays but I also think his real genius was in pinching ideas, lines, even whole scenes, from anybody careless enough to leave their own work lying around. Hence his immortal line in Romeo and Juliet - 'A plagiarism on both your houses.'

In other news ...
Well, more of the same, really. In 1879 (and on the very same day Shakespeare died - what a coincidence!) the Shakespeare Memorial Theatre opened in Stratford. The building burned down in the 1920s to be replaced by the monstrosity that still stands.

Will must have been turning in his grave (which is down the road, by the way, in Holy Trinity Church - and it'll only cost you £67.83 to have a look at it [last year's prices - who knows how much it will cost in the season of 2012])

Oh - by the way. It's St George's Day today.

22nd April

Today in 1971, the Haitian dictator 'Papa Doc' Duvalier, died in his bed. He ran a private army. the Ton-ton Macoute and was generally unpleasant to anybody who crossed him. He was succeeded by his son, 'Baby Doc' and his grandson 'What's Up Doc'.

In other news ...
The German philosopher Immanuel Kant was born today in 1724. Among many other things, he wrote - 'Act only on that maxim which you can at the same time will to become a universal law.'

What a silly Kant.

21st April

Webster's Dictionary appeared today in 1828. Bob Hope and Bing Crosby were filming Road to Morocco at the time and immediately used the book as one of their gags - 'Like Webster's Dictionary, we're Morocco bound'.
The purpose of the Dictionary was to differentiate American English from English English. So instead of 'fortnight'. Webster wrote 'twoweeks' (which looked a bit odd in the 'f's); 'tap' became 'fawcett' (same thing, in reverse) and the definition of 'sonofabitch' was 'rather unpleasant Russian'.

In other news ...
Samuel Clemens died today in 1901. He used the pen name Mark Twain, a riverboating  term, because many of his novels - Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn etc - are set on the Mississippi. Later writers copied the idea - Dick Francis for example called himself They're Off; C S Forester used the alias Let Go The To'Gallant and Caroline Graham had the most brilliant nom de plume of all - Another Unlikely series of Slaughters In A Part Of The Country Where Nothing Ever Really Happens And Doesn't Actually Exist, usually shortened on book spines to Siapot C W Nerhadae.

20th April

One of those great moments occurred today in 1853. Oliver Cromwell. East Anglian squire, Puritan and military whizz-kid expelled the boring, pocket lining, selfish b******s who formed the 'Rump' parliament with the famous words 'Do you mean to sit 'til Doomsday come?' Once they were out, he locked the door, put the key in his pocket and walked away. How cool is that?
And where is Oliver Cromwell today?

In other news ...
Today in 1770 James Cook on board The Endeavour (named after his favourite television cop, Morse) discovered New Zealand. The natives immediately leapt about, sticking their tongues out at him and thrashing his crew at Rugby. The final score was: All Blacks 316, Captain Cook's Fifteen 3.
So disappointed was Cook that he sailed away to find the most boring land in the world - Australia.

19th April

James Mollison was born today in 1905. He was a Scottish aviator and if you've never heard of him that's because all his thunder was stolen by his wife, Amy Johnson. He was actually flying with her when they crossed the Atlantic for the first time but he might as well not have bothered.
He got his own back later though, by shortening his Christian name to Jim and singing with the Doors, a band that didn't feature Amy Johnson at all, although experts on the band do say that 'You're Lost, Little Girl' may refer to her.

In other news ...
Charles Darwin, the famous beagle-breeder, owner of a horrendous beard and reluctant evolutionist died today in 1882. His last book came out the previous year and was called On the Formation of Vegetable Moulds. It has now sold 30 million copies worldwide, is available on Kindle for only £23.94 (price set by publisher) and it spawned an opera, a ballet, a radio series and no less than six movies (two in the silent era). There is talk of another remake starring Sly Stallone as 'Lichen' and Gene Hackman as 'Fungus' with a screenplay, inevitably, by Julian Fellowes.

18th April

Today in 1955 Albert Einstein died at Princeton hospital. Hailed in his own day and ours as one of the greatest geniuses (genii?) of All Time, he also had the worst hair and one of the silliest moustaches. He couldn't talk until he was three and after that hardly ever shut up. But these things are always relative, aren't they? I just loved his films - Battleship Potemkin, Alexander Nevsky - that's where his genius really lay.

In other news ...
The first launderette was opened in Fort Worth Texas on this day in 1934. It gave Texas hours of endless fun watching their washing go round and only later did the viewing public realize it got their clothes clean too. Bonus! John Yogi Bear, the inventor of television took his inspiration from it and experts today believe that, in seeing a shirt passing the same exact spot every 2.1 seconds is actually more variety-filled than anything on today's nine squillion satellite channels.

17th April

A long time ago, when children were literate enough to appreciate corny historical jokes, Messrs Sellar and Yeatman wrote their immortal 1066 And All That. One of the many gems in the book concerned Martin Luther and his diet of worms. The Diet was actually, for the record, an assembly held in the German town of Worms to decide on the fate of Martin Luther, who appeared on a charge of heresy on this day in 1521.

Today, 83% of children think Martin Luther was a civil rights leader who had a dream and was assassinated in 1968. The other 42% don't think at all.

In other news ...
Sir Leonard Woolley, the archaeologist, was born today in 1880. Best known for his excavations at the Persian city of ... um ... Ur, he was the first to find a frozen mammoth and gave his name to it. Several more Leonard mammoths have been found since.

There has been serious progress made on cloning a mammoth from material found in the permafrost. I hope this doesn't really take off, not only because the thought of herds of mammoths sweeping majestically across the landscape of Sussex can only bring problems such as piles of mammoth poo and long tailbacks of traffic caused by one taking its ease on the A23, but on a more personal level, I don't think the catflap is big enough for when Metternich brings one down in the shrubbery.

16th April

I absolutely refuse to mention the Titanic, so ...

In other news ...
One of the most lop-sided military encounters in history took place today in 1746. At Culloden Moor, 'Bonnie' Prince Charlie, the Young Pretender was defeated by an English Army under William, Duke of Cumberland. The Highlanders were outnumbered and outgunned, with no cavalry and virtually no artillery. They were also cold, exhausted and starving before the fight began. As a result of Cumberland's victory the Jacobite threat to the English throne was over and the English named a flower after him - Sweet William. Not to be outdone in the horticultural stakes, the Scots named a weed after him - Stinking Billy.

15th April

Our boys in blue went on strike today in 1797. No, not the police - they hadn't been set up yet - but the navy, the Jolly Jack Tars of Old England. It was a bummel of a year all round - the Irish were threatening revolt (what's new?); there was a run on the banks (time for another one, I can't help feeling) and then the fleets at Spithead and the Nore refused to sail against Revolutionary France.
The sailors had an awful lot of legitimate gripes and the way the mutineers were handled says it all. at the Nore, where officers were beaten up, the Admiralty hanged the ringleaders and the fleet sailed, At Spithead, kindly old Admiral Howe invited the ringleaders to his best port and promised them better food and conditions - and the fleet sailed.
Take a lesson, Mr Cameron. If the teacher threaten strike action over pay and pensions, give them what they want. If petrol tanker drivers threaten strikes, hang them. That would be fair.

In other news ...
Today in 1945, allied troops liberating Europe found a horde of looted Nazi treasure in a mine in Austria. The find included works by Goya, Rubens, da Vinci  and Raphael as well as King Arthur's sword Excalibur, King John's Crown Jewels, the Ark of the Covenant and some postcards painted by Adolf Hitler.

14th April

Abraham and Mrs Lincoln went to the theatre today in 1865. The President sat in a box at Ford's Theatre in Washington, chuckling over Our American Cousin when a lunatic called John Wilkes Booth put a Derringer slug in the back of Lincoln's head. he then jumped onto the stage shouting 'Sic Semper Tyranis!' (so it always is with tyrants) before limping off with a broken ankle.
Security around the President was lamentable, as it was in the cases of the three other Presidents who have been assassinated.
The event, however, gave rise to the famous black joke - 'But apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?'

In other news ...
Today in 1931 the Highway Code appeared. It was a long overdue attempt to regulate the free-for-all on Britain's roads and has been replaced recently by a much more accurate one, the first page of which I quote below:

1. Never dip your headlights at night - that sort of courtesy went out with Gottleib Daimler.
2. If you you approach an obstacle on your side of the road, just drive past it, forcing the vehicle coming in the other direction to brake sharply.
3. If you are over 70 years of age you can travel at six miles an hour even on motorways. Six people over 80 per year are allowed to travel the wrong way up a motorway for a distance of not less than 100 miles. Watch press for vacancies.
4. During the school run, all rules of the road must be ignored and the rear-view mirror is for adjusting makeup and admonishing children only.
5. If you are in charge of an HGV, feel free to straddle the white line and flash your lights at other HGV drivers.
6. If you are in charge of a bicycle, by all means wobble all over the road, especially going uphill because you don't understand the gears. You can of course mount the pavement whenever you like because that silly bit of plastic on your head makes you 100% invulnerable.
7. If you are in charge of a horse, make sure you have no control over the animal at all; if possible be under fifteen years old and always ride two abreast on country lanes chatting to your mate. If your mate doesn't have a horse, they can ride their bicycle alongside (see point 6 above). 

We've really come on since 1931 haven't we?

13th April

Friday 13th! This is the day that Ten Bee Eff will kick off big time, the entire school IT system crashes and they're only serving semolina in the Dining Hall.
But in the real world ... Today in 1860, Tom Hamilton galloped into Sacramento, California carrying 49 letters and 3 newspapers. He was riding the last leg of the first 1800 mile delivery service of the Pony Express. Riders carried two extra horses (not literally, of course - that would be just silly) and leapt on and off the saddle with the skill of rodeo stars. The news was spread at twice the speed of the Overland Stage Company. I think our dear old Royal Mail could learn a few things from them.

In other news ...
Today in 1882 the Anti-Semitic League was founded in Prussia. This group went on to believe a forged document called the Protocols of Zion which 'proved' attempts at world domination by the Jews and were no doubt overjoyed when Adolf Hitler wrote Mein Kampf. The sons of the League became the Nazis of the Thirties and did their best to wipe out the Jewish people, resulting in the estimated 55 million fatalities of World War Two.

12th April

President Harry S Truman got it right today in 1958 when he said 'A politician is a man who understands government ... A statesman is a politician who's been dead for ten or fifteen years.'

Spot on, S.

In other news ...

This was the day, legend says, when the Union Jack became the official flag of Britain. the only problem is when? Some accounts say 1606, three years after England and Scotland were first ruled by the same king (James VI or I depending on your grasp of Latin maths and country of origin).
Others say 1707 when the Act of Union formally united England and Scotland. Ireland didn't join (much against its better judgement) until 1801. So who knows? It didn't help of course that the flag only reflects England and Scotland in the crosses of St George and St Andrew, their respective patron saints. st David (Wales) and St Patrick (Ireland) didn't have heraldic crosses and I suspect the English and Scots were pretty miffed that the dragon and the shamrock made much more interesting heraldic designs, so the Union Jack ignores them completely.

11th April

A remarkable character was born today in 1929. He served in the US Navy, smoked a pipe all his life and had a deformed jaw. He only had one friend, who was addicted to beefburgers and his girlfriend left a lot to be desired in the hour glass figure stakes. He was constantly having run-ins with a moron with a beard and huge shoulders and there was a kid who looked just like him and was always crawling off high buildings. Robin Williams played him - not very well, it must be said. His real claim to fame was trying to get children - or indeed any sane adult - to eat spinach.

Thank you, Popeye, for what you've been.

In other news ...

William Anne Mary was crowned today in 1689, the only official hermaphrodite monarch of England (the unofficial ones, if you're wondering are: Richard I, Edward II and [almost] Wallis Simpson).

10th April

Bananas were on sale in Britain for the first time today in 1633. They are excellent, professional readers will tell you, for preventing growling or rumbling tummies, fatal for sound recordings (the rumbling, that is, not the bananas). An EU directive tried to straighten them out some years ago but it didn't work because the directive came from Brussels (which are round and green and responsible for much of the rumbling mentioned above).

In other news ...
Cairo Fred was born today in 1932. He is better known as Omar Sharif and is one of the world's best backgammon players (as Lord Lucan was, but Mr Sharif hasn't murdered his children's nanny or done a runner). Remember Omar coming out of that heat haze on a camel in Lawrence of Arabia? Magic.

9th April

Isambard Kingdom Brunel was born today in 1806. The greatest engineer of his age he built the Clifton suspension bridge, the Great Western Railway with its 7ft 1/4 inch gauge and the SS Great Britain steamship. The photo of him standing in front of the ship's anchor chains with his top hat on and a cigar clamped firmly in his lips is the epitome of the self-made man. They named a university after him and one or two of My Own Sixth Form have gone on to fine things at the University of Isambard.

In other news ... Francis Bacon died today in Highgate, London in 1626. He was a statesman, philosopher, Attorney-General, probable spy and quite a good egg (I am writing this on Easter Sunday, so eggs are very much on my mind as well as smeared down one trouser leg and thoroughly coating the cat, thanks to Nolan and his dear little egg-hunting friends from Mrs Whatmough's Academy For Young Delinquents). Rumour has it that he died of a cold brought on by trying to freeze a chicken by stuffing it with snow. If only he'd gone to Tesco's, like the rest of us.

8th April

The Russian ballet dancer Vaslav Nijinsky died today in 1950. The poor man had taken very early retirement (at 29) because he was suffering from schizophrenia. Half the time he thought he was a racehorse.

In other news ...
Jan van Riebeeck of the Dutch East India Company, gave orders to his men landing at the Cape of Good Hope in 1652 that anybody who mistreated an African was to receive 50 lashes of the whip in the presence of their victim.

How ironic that the descendants of these men slaughtered hundreds of Zulus at Blood River in 1836 and went on to set up Apartheid in our own time.

7th April

One of the greatest inventors in history was born today in 1891. We've all heard of Thomas Edison, James Watt, James Dyson, Richard Arkwright (well, Twelve Pee Zed, perhaps not Richard Arkwright, more's the pity) but what of the late, great Ole Kirk Christiansen, I hear you ask?
Generations have been grateful to him and he even had a land names after his invention. What did he invent?
Lego.

In other news ...
Richard Turpin was hanged in York on this day in 1739. His story is fascinating because the actual psychotic low-life who once roasted an old lady's backside on a red hot grate until she told him where she kept her valuables was turned into a hero by a single novel - Harrison Ainsworth's in the 1830s. Turpin's horse, Black Bess, his legendary ride to York before they built the A1, his derring-do and concern for the poor is all pure fiction.

6th April

Richard the Lionheart died today in 1199 as a result of an infected arrow wound to the neck while besieging a castle at Chaluz in France. He is one of those historical characters who has been hi-jacked by the mythmakers, usually turning up at the end of Robin Hood films in time to realize that his nasty brother John has already been well and truly trounced by Robin himself.
The real Richard was only in the country for six months of his ten year reign, was probably homosexual and definitely psychopathic - like most of the Plantagenets.

In other news ...
Today in 1814 Napoleon Bonaparte was forced to abdicate after a whirlwind military career which saw him as master of most of Europe. He was to be sent to Elba which was a big mistake as it was only a stone's throw from his old stomping ground (France) and he was allowed to retain a largish bodyguard (10,000 men). Surprise, surprise, he escaped and started the whole mayhem all over again.
You can't keep a good dictator down.

5th April

Three Hollywood legends were born on this day, albeit a few years apart. Spencer Tracy was the first, in 1900, who lent his gravitas to a brilliant version of Jekyll and Hyde and Northwest Passage. He could also play a hard man - Bad Day at Black Rock - as well as high comedy - It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Movie Trivia - Tracy's first job on screen was as a non-speaking robot, alongside his lifelong friend, Pat O'Brien.

Bette Davis followed in 1908, playing femmes fatales from The Letter to Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Movie Trivia - she was famously taken off by Liz Taylor in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? - 'What a dump!'

Last comes the baby of the bunch, dear old Gregory Peck, he of the raised eyebrow. He was outstanding as Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird and I liked him (but nobody else did) as Captain Ahab in Moby Dick. But then I am one of the few people living who has read the book - although I had to have a good long lie down afterwards.
Movie Trivia - Atticus Finch was voted the greatest screen hero of all time in 2003, beating Indiana Jones and James Bond into 2nd and 3rd places respectively - and quite right too!

In other news ...
Poor old Oscar Wilde went on trial today in 1895. He brought his misfortunes on himself by bringing libel charges against the appalling Marquess of Queensbury, whose son Alfred ('Bosie') was one of Wilde's lovers. The whole thing backfired disastrously and Wilde, previously the darling of the West End theatre-going public, ended up in Reading Gaol with two years' hard labour.
The love that dare not speak its name was criminalized by Henry Labouchere MP in his Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1884 and was the famous occasion when Queen Victoria used the royal veto because she thought lesbians were the natives of Lesbos!
Aren't our royal family wonderful?

4th April

Francis Drake became Sir Francis Drake today in 1581 when he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth at Deptford on the deck of his ship, the Pelican, renamed the Golden Hind. He had left Plymouth on 13 December 1577 with 5 ships and a total crew of 160, as well as various sponsors.
He was now able to state conclusively that the world was indeed round as Magellan had already proved and Columbus believed. Presumably, if Drake had been knighted on 1 April, he would have told the queen the earth was flat.

In other news ...
Ben Hur won 11 Oscars today in 1960 and rightly so. I was still of very tender years when I saw this one and I loved every minute. There was rugged, gritty Charlton Heston, every boy's hero; gorgeous Haya Harareet as the love interest; Stephen Boyd as a thoroughly nasty Messala and of course that superb chariot race which still has me on the edge of my seat. it was probably the last film that coyly didn't show the face of Christ - just his lovely red hair from the back. For film trivia buffs and quiz compilers out there, the actor who played him was Claude Heater and wasn't even in the credits. Sheik Ilderim was played by Welshman Hugh Griffith and the wise man Balthazar by a Scotsman, Findlay Currie, but they were both excellent. Add in the Irish Stephen Boyd and it should come as no surprise to learn that Pontius Pilate (boo! hiss!) was played by an Australian, the onomatopoeic Frank Thring.

The only other film to do as well in Oscar terms was Titanic. Oh per-lease!

3rd April

Jesse James got his today in 1882. Known as 'Dingus' as a kid, he was one of the first psychopaths in history to blame his upbringing - in his case the Civil War. He and his brother Frank took to robbing trains after a killing spree with Quantrill's Raiders and he tried to go straight later, happily married with two kids and calling himself Thomas Howard. There was however a $10,000 reward out for him and that was claimed by Bob Ford who shot him in the back of the head while Jesse was standing on a chair straightening a picture on the wall. The result was The Assassination of Jesse James, probably the most boring film ever made. And as everyone knows, for me to find a Western boring, it has to be extremely boring indeed.

In other news ...
One of the greatest miscarriages of justice took place today in 1936 when Bruno Hauptmann went to the electric chair for the kidnapping of the baby son of Charles Lindbergh, the famous aviator. The police decided that Hauptmann was guilty largely because he was an immigrant and they may may have trumped up evidence against him.

Case closed? Don't you believe it!

2nd April

You know how things get misreported in history? There was a classic today in 1802 when Horatio Nelson, he of the column, turned a blind eye to orders and sank the Danish fleet in Copenhagen harbour. His ship, the Elephant, was under heavy fire and he received an order from the commander in chief, Sir Hyde Parker (brother of Sir Regent's Parker) to pull out. Most people will tell you that Nelson put his telescope to his glass eye and said, 'I see no ships,' which is pretty ludicrous bearing in mind he was shooting at them. He didn't even say, 'I see no signal,' because somebody asked him if he saw the signal from Parker's ship (done by flags) and he replied, 'Damn me if I do.' Now that sounds more like Hor and very much in keeping with the Duke of Wellington's coming out confession of fourteen years later - 'Napoleon has humbugged me, by God.'

And yes, follower, I know that Nelson didn't have a glass eye, despite whole museum exhibits devoted to them!

In other news ...
The first Italian parliament met on this day in 1860 in Turin, which was odd, because the parliament building was in Rome. That pretty much set the seal on Italian politics from that moment on.

1st April

Now, I know what you're thinking ... how can we trust anything he writes today?

And you'd be right!

See you all tomorrow!