7th November

Benito Mussolini became leader of the National Fascist Party in Italy today in 1921. You've got to hand it to dictators - they have a great line in titles. Mussolini became Il Duce; Hitler was Der Fuhrer, Franco was El Caudillo. Even our own home grown Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector. And what have we got now? Minister for Sport, for the Environment and Without Portfolio.

In other news ...
Helen Suzman, the anti-apartheid campaigner was born today in 1917. I just loved her in Nicholas and Alexandra.

For anyone fortunate enough to live in the Isle of Wight, pop your wellies on tonight and get on down to the Riverside Centre in Newport, where my old mate M J Trow is giving a talk on crime. It is somewhat of a sideline of his - the plan is he gives the talks and then his accomplice, Joe 'the Horse' Bomparini nips round everyone's houses and cleans out their jewellery. Well, it beats working for a living.

17th October

John Wilkes was born today in 1727. This man took on the corrupt government of George III single-handedly and almost toppled it. Womanizer, gambler, member of the notorious Hellfire Club and all round pain in the Arras, you couldn't help but love him.

And no, Ten Aitch Why, he did not kill Abraham Lincoln!! How many more times do I have to say it?

In other news ...
Charles II was defeated by Oliver Cromwell's Ironsides at Worcester today in 1651. About 20,000 people claimed later it was their oak tree Charles hid in before nipping across to France. The king had the last laugh however. When he got his throne back nine years later, Cromwell was already dead. Undeterred (get it?!) they dug him up and dragged his body around the streets of London. Where was Health and Safety?!

11th September

'People of the same trade seldom meet together but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public or in some diversion to raise prices.'

Adam Smith wrote this in The Wealth of Nations, published today in 1776. The Mother Shipton of his day, Smith was of course talking about bankers in the 21st century.

In other news ...
Oliver Cromwell ordered the slaughter of 1500 rebels at Drogheda on this day in 1649. Among them were women and children. The irony is that Cromwell today is regarded as one of the more tolerant of Puritans. It's just that Papists (i.e. the Irish) didn't come within the remit of his compassion. So next time you read something extolling the virtues of the Lord Protector, just bear Drogheda in mind. Oh, and Wexford too, because he did the same thing there.

2nd July

'General' William Booth of the Salvation Army set up his tent today in 1865 on the Mile End Waste in London's poverty-stricken East End. His hell-fire sermons, tambourines and soup kitchens saved the lives of thousands even before the organization became worldwide. Booth's book In Darkest England highlighted the social problems of the day - drunkenness, prostitution, crime. I feel a strange affinity with this man - I own a frock coat like the one he used to wear and at Cambridge, my landlord had met him when he (the landlord of course, not General Booth) was twelve.

This link to history reminds me that I once had my hair cut by George Bernard Shaw's barber, but that, like the Giant Rat of Sumatra, is a story for which the world is not yet ready. Suffice it to say, I destroyed all the photographs, although my sister used to have one, with which to scare the children.

In other news ...

Today in 1644 the Battle of Marston Moor turned the tide in the English Civil War. For the first time the hell-for-leather cavalry charges of Prince Rupert of the Rhine failed to break the infantry squares of Fairfax's New Model Army. The Prince's dog, Boye, lay dead on the field and it was rumoured that Boye wasn't a dog at all, but a familiar, an imp sent by the devil to serve Rupert. Oliver Cromwell, whose tactics won the day, had an imp too but his, very cunningly, pretended to be a wart on his chin.

I kid you not.

20th April

One of those great moments occurred today in 1853. Oliver Cromwell. East Anglian squire, Puritan and military whizz-kid expelled the boring, pocket lining, selfish b******s who formed the 'Rump' parliament with the famous words 'Do you mean to sit 'til Doomsday come?' Once they were out, he locked the door, put the key in his pocket and walked away. How cool is that?
And where is Oliver Cromwell today?

In other news ...
Today in 1770 James Cook on board The Endeavour (named after his favourite television cop, Morse) discovered New Zealand. The natives immediately leapt about, sticking their tongues out at him and thrashing his crew at Rugby. The final score was: All Blacks 316, Captain Cook's Fifteen 3.
So disappointed was Cook that he sailed away to find the most boring land in the world - Australia.

30 January

If you go to Carisbrooke Castle in the Isle of Wight, you'll find a little chapel there, dedicated to the martyrdom of King Charles I. Not many people regard him as a martyr, even though they chopped his head off outside his own palace at Whitehall 363 years ago today (Incidentally, they've changed the calendar since then so this figure may not be totally accurate). Whatever Charles was deemed to have done - ruled without parliament, raised taxes without their consent, married a Catholic wife etc etc) the trial itself was illegal, presided over by a foreign judge. The jury was not made up of Charles's peers (ie his equals - 12 other kings) and the usual rules of evidence were waived. Having supposedly caused the deaths of thousands of his countrymen in the civil war, he was replaced by Oliver Cromwell who proceeded to do exactly the same thing in Scotland and Ireland. Historians, of course, know this already - and can point to almost any regime change where the body count is actually higher afterwards than before. Try it - you'll find it is horribly difficult to find any example which disproves that statement.

In other news ...
Anton Chekov, the Russian playwright was born this day in 1860. His plays include The Seagull and The Cherry Orchard and his grandson, Pavel Chekov, went on to become the little guy with the irritating and unconvincing Russian accent under James T Kirk on the Enterprise.