19th November

President Abraham Lincoln delivered one of the most brilliant speeches in History today in 1863. It was also one of the shortest and has come to be known as the Gettysburg Address. It's so brilliant it is worth quoting in full.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, my address is 339B John Wilkes Booth Road, Gettysburg.'

Absolutely brilliant.

In other news ...
Today in 1908 a court in St Petersburg had to be adjourned because the prosecuting counsel refused to proceed against Russia's first female barrister. Tcha! I am forced to cry. They'll be demanding women bishops in the Church of England next ...

Wait a minute ...

3rd November

Laika became the first dog in space today in 1957. She became the prototype for Pigs In Space if you're a Muppet fan. Come to think of it, she became the prototype for Pigs In Space if you're not a Muppet Fan. The Russians sent her into orbit on board Sputnik 2 and she reached Sirius (the Dog Star, get it?) last month. The Sputnik deniers of course don't believe a word of this.

What can you do with people like that?

In other news ...

Remember when American Presidents had cool names, usually of a classical or Biblical bent? There was Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses Grant. What have we got today? Barack Obama. And tomorrow, if we're very unlucky? Mitten Romney!

7th May

'I let down my friends; I let down my country; I let down our system of government; I let down what was left of my hair' - so said 'Tricky Dicky' ex-President Nixon on this day in 1977.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, the term Watergate with which Nixon will for ever be associated, has been hijacked by journalists for every scandal, major and minor, ever since. Hence, to name but a few - Cowangate; Ramsgate; Margate and Tailgate.

Enough, already!

In other news ...
Scientists at Johns Hopkins University today in 1991 were given permission to clone the genes of Abraham Lincoln, the American President assassinated in 1865, to decide whether honest Abe had Marfan's syndrome, the symptoms of which are tallness and long arms.

You know that famous photo of Lincoln with General George B Maclennan (he of the saddle) at an army camp somewhere or other about 1862? Well, I'll grant you (ho ho - Civil War joke) Lincoln looks tall, but on that basis McLennan was really short and Mary Todd Lincoln, the President's wife, was a midget.

And nobody's cloning them, I notice!

14th April

Abraham and Mrs Lincoln went to the theatre today in 1865. The President sat in a box at Ford's Theatre in Washington, chuckling over Our American Cousin when a lunatic called John Wilkes Booth put a Derringer slug in the back of Lincoln's head. he then jumped onto the stage shouting 'Sic Semper Tyranis!' (so it always is with tyrants) before limping off with a broken ankle.
Security around the President was lamentable, as it was in the cases of the three other Presidents who have been assassinated.
The event, however, gave rise to the famous black joke - 'But apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?'

In other news ...
Today in 1931 the Highway Code appeared. It was a long overdue attempt to regulate the free-for-all on Britain's roads and has been replaced recently by a much more accurate one, the first page of which I quote below:

1. Never dip your headlights at night - that sort of courtesy went out with Gottleib Daimler.
2. If you you approach an obstacle on your side of the road, just drive past it, forcing the vehicle coming in the other direction to brake sharply.
3. If you are over 70 years of age you can travel at six miles an hour even on motorways. Six people over 80 per year are allowed to travel the wrong way up a motorway for a distance of not less than 100 miles. Watch press for vacancies.
4. During the school run, all rules of the road must be ignored and the rear-view mirror is for adjusting makeup and admonishing children only.
5. If you are in charge of an HGV, feel free to straddle the white line and flash your lights at other HGV drivers.
6. If you are in charge of a bicycle, by all means wobble all over the road, especially going uphill because you don't understand the gears. You can of course mount the pavement whenever you like because that silly bit of plastic on your head makes you 100% invulnerable.
7. If you are in charge of a horse, make sure you have no control over the animal at all; if possible be under fifteen years old and always ride two abreast on country lanes chatting to your mate. If your mate doesn't have a horse, they can ride their bicycle alongside (see point 6 above). 

We've really come on since 1931 haven't we?