18th August

Robert Redford, born today in 1937, tells the best put-down story about himself of any Hollywood icon. He was driving around LA one day at the height of his fame when he saw a crowd of people waving at him and calling. He thought he'd give them a treat, so he pulled over and wound down his window, at which point and excited you woman said breathlessly, 'Robert Redford, you asshole!'

In other news ...
And talking of assholes, Temujin died today in 1227. Better known as Genghis Khan (the Great Lord) he brought terror and destruction to millions from his native Mongolia to the Black Sea. Adolf Hitler was recently voted the most evil man of all time - by people who'd never heard of Genghis Khan!

And by the way, if you ever want to see probably the worst film ever made starring a Hollywood A-lister, watch The Conqueror starring John Wayne as Temujin. Oh dear!

14th August

One of the greats of Hollywood died today in 1932. Rin Tin Tin passed away after a long battle with the cat next door. You may remember Rin in such epics as Dog Day Afternoon, For Whom the Ball Rolls, Straw Dogs and Reservoir Dogs. He caused controversy when he was turned down for the part of Old Yeller on the grounds of his colour and Black Beauty on the grounds of his species. He was technical adviser on Kevin Costner's Dances with Alsatians, itself a remake of the French classic Chien Autumn.

His favourite director was Anthony Mann, hence RTT's description of himself as 'Mann's best friend'.

In other news ...

The Colony of Virginia held its first legislative assembly today in 1619. They had powers granted to them by the British crown to pass certain local laws. What a golden opportunity! And what did they do? Passed laws against drinking and gambling.

Moral: You can take the Puritans out of England, but they'll probably all move to Virginia.

29th January

Alan Ladd died 48 years ago today. Impossibly good looking, the actor had to endure endless Hollywood jokes about his height. When he was standing alongside other actors, the cameras had to be angled just so. When he was kissing his leading lady, he was on a box or she was in a trench and he needed a stepladder to mount his horse. I don't care if some or all these stories are true, he was the star of the greatest Western film ever made - Shane - and at least Ladd's death on this day ended the old chestnut. Did Alan Ladd die at the end of Shane? No, he lived on, riding into the sunset, for another eleven years!

In other news ...
On this day in 1978, Sweden banned the use of aerosol sprays on the grounds that they were destroying the ozone layer. Can I just stick my sixpennorth in here?

• There is no such thing as global warming
• If there is, it has happened throughout history and has nothing to do with man
• Since 1978 Swedes have become very smelly indeed (as opposed to parsnips, which have retained their delightful natural fragrance)

Bullet points are back on the menu, but purely by accident. Don't get used to what you may perceive as a bold new cyber-savvy Peter Maxwell because he doesn't exist! Dinosaurs-R-Us.

You will also notice that I have forborne to mention the old joke about the Swede who goes into a chemist looking for a deodorant. It is a classic, but it needs the accent to tell it well - you'll just have to imagine it.

Not heard it? Okay then - the shopkeeper says 'Bol or aresol?' And he says (still in Swedish accent) 'Neither, I want it for my armpits.' You see, I told you it had to be in the accent!