29th January

Alan Ladd died 48 years ago today. Impossibly good looking, the actor had to endure endless Hollywood jokes about his height. When he was standing alongside other actors, the cameras had to be angled just so. When he was kissing his leading lady, he was on a box or she was in a trench and he needed a stepladder to mount his horse. I don't care if some or all these stories are true, he was the star of the greatest Western film ever made - Shane - and at least Ladd's death on this day ended the old chestnut. Did Alan Ladd die at the end of Shane? No, he lived on, riding into the sunset, for another eleven years!

In other news ...
On this day in 1978, Sweden banned the use of aerosol sprays on the grounds that they were destroying the ozone layer. Can I just stick my sixpennorth in here?

• There is no such thing as global warming
• If there is, it has happened throughout history and has nothing to do with man
• Since 1978 Swedes have become very smelly indeed (as opposed to parsnips, which have retained their delightful natural fragrance)

Bullet points are back on the menu, but purely by accident. Don't get used to what you may perceive as a bold new cyber-savvy Peter Maxwell because he doesn't exist! Dinosaurs-R-Us.

You will also notice that I have forborne to mention the old joke about the Swede who goes into a chemist looking for a deodorant. It is a classic, but it needs the accent to tell it well - you'll just have to imagine it.

Not heard it? Okay then - the shopkeeper says 'Bol or aresol?' And he says (still in Swedish accent) 'Neither, I want it for my armpits.' You see, I told you it had to be in the accent!