28th November

The German physicist Max [no relation] Planck said it all today in 1934 when he wrote, 'A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light but rather because its opponents eventually die out and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.'

So, in reality, every word of the Bible is true; the earth is about 6,000 years old (and flat); Phlogiston occurs in every chemical experiment; Frank Sinatra had a good singing voice and babies are delivered by storks.

I knew it!

In other news ...
Horse racing was banned today in 1967 because of an epidemic of Foot and Mouth disease. Whenever such disasters occur, the government of the day leaps in with ludicrous, over-the-top measures. Foot and Mouth? Destroy all cattle. Salmonella in eggs? Destroy all chickens. Oil tanker spillages? Destroy all tankers. Global warming? Stop spraying your armpits.

Actually nature has been coping with all these issues for centuries, without the help of the British government or its biased, obsessive scientific think tanks.

And on a personal level, it would be not humanly possible to be in a room with up to twenty teenage boys without the addition of many gallons of Lynx. You may mock that most sledgehammer of deodorants, but without it ... I don't want you to even have to imagine it!

27th November

Women Policemen appeared on Britain's streets today in 1914 (I have been obliged to insert this piece on account of my good lady wife - Inspector Carpenter-Maxwell - having me in a half Nelson). The uniform was awful and it had three little buttons at the side of the mid-calf length skirt so that they could unbutton them to chase baddies. What could they do once they caught them? Nothing. This was only an experiment and they weren't given powers of arrest until 1922. Presumably they had to ask Chummy to stay put while they went in search of a real policeperson. Ouch - the Mem's half Nelson has now turned into a Full Nelson and I've lost the use of one arm and am blind in one eye.

In other news ...
A Bible printed in the 15th century was sold at Christie's auction house today in 1991. The Good Book? It had better be - it cost £1.1 million!

23rd March

On this day in 1925 the state of Tennessee decided that the theory of evolution should not be taught in schools because it was contrary to scriptures. All the other subjects were also banned because there was no specific reference to them in the Bible. Except Maths (oops, sorry, Math) because of the Book of Numbers.

In other news ...
Pedro the Cruel of Castile and Leon was murdered on this day in 1369 on the orders of his brother Henry, the Even More Cruel. Their mother, Isabella the Outrages, was appalled (told you she would be) especially since she had hoped the crown would pass to her youngest son, Rodrigo the Utterly Unprincipled.

In more personal news, DI Mrs Carpenter-Maxwell would like to thank her many well-wishers and she is happy to announce the impending happy event of her plaster removal, next Monday, all being well and taking into account following winds, hordes of magpies, not walking under ladders and other arcane behaviour. Speaking personally, I won't miss the demise of half a ton of cast which has reliably called me into wakefulness several times a night by clouting me round the head for the last five weeks. Nolan is looking forward to a two-armed cuddle. Metternich is the only one who will lose out - his Mistress's enforced rest-time while Mrs Troubridge and I have been busy with the housekeeping has given him lap-opportunities hitherto only dreamed of.