The massacre at Glencoe took place today in freezing conditions back in 1692. The Macdonald of that Ilk and 36 of his men were hacked to death by their house guests the Campbells. The official reason was that the Macdonalds had not signed an oath of allegiance to William III. In fact, they had, but severe precipitation in the Highlands had caused a delay.
Now there are a number of interesting historical observations to be made about all this:
a) If you invite 129 armed Scotsmen to spend the night with you, don't go to sleep.
b) If you intend to have a massacre, you've got to do a bit better than 37 casualties. Typical of the Scots to skimp on the crowd scenes, as the satirical magazine Punch once said.
c) This is the first recorded example of Be Nice to Oldies Week. The orders sent to the Campbell of that Ilk was that everybody under 70 was to be put to the sword. Everybody else could get their winter fuel allowance, bus passes and a Saga holiday in the Trossachs.
In other news ...
Back in 1971, Spiro T Agnew, the American Vice President, hit three spectators with a golf ball while playing in the Bob Hope Desert Classic Tournament. Now, I wasn't there, so I'm entitled to enquire firstly, did these three volunteer, lining up for the privilege of being whacked by the Vice President? Sounds like a fine Good Ol' Boy custom. I would also like to know whether Mr Agnew took three swings with three balls and get lucky each time or was this a brilliant ricochet shot, that bounced off a palm tree, the three spectators one by one and then plop accurately into the hole?
If you have the answer, please keep it to yourself - and that goes double if you are one of the victims. After being struck on the head by a golf ball, I have grave doubts as to whether anything you say could be even slightly accurate.
