14th April

Abraham and Mrs Lincoln went to the theatre today in 1865. The President sat in a box at Ford's Theatre in Washington, chuckling over Our American Cousin when a lunatic called John Wilkes Booth put a Derringer slug in the back of Lincoln's head. he then jumped onto the stage shouting 'Sic Semper Tyranis!' (so it always is with tyrants) before limping off with a broken ankle.
Security around the President was lamentable, as it was in the cases of the three other Presidents who have been assassinated.
The event, however, gave rise to the famous black joke - 'But apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?'

In other news ...
Today in 1931 the Highway Code appeared. It was a long overdue attempt to regulate the free-for-all on Britain's roads and has been replaced recently by a much more accurate one, the first page of which I quote below:

1. Never dip your headlights at night - that sort of courtesy went out with Gottleib Daimler.
2. If you you approach an obstacle on your side of the road, just drive past it, forcing the vehicle coming in the other direction to brake sharply.
3. If you are over 70 years of age you can travel at six miles an hour even on motorways. Six people over 80 per year are allowed to travel the wrong way up a motorway for a distance of not less than 100 miles. Watch press for vacancies.
4. During the school run, all rules of the road must be ignored and the rear-view mirror is for adjusting makeup and admonishing children only.
5. If you are in charge of an HGV, feel free to straddle the white line and flash your lights at other HGV drivers.
6. If you are in charge of a bicycle, by all means wobble all over the road, especially going uphill because you don't understand the gears. You can of course mount the pavement whenever you like because that silly bit of plastic on your head makes you 100% invulnerable.
7. If you are in charge of a horse, make sure you have no control over the animal at all; if possible be under fifteen years old and always ride two abreast on country lanes chatting to your mate. If your mate doesn't have a horse, they can ride their bicycle alongside (see point 6 above). 

We've really come on since 1931 haven't we?

13th April

Friday 13th! This is the day that Ten Bee Eff will kick off big time, the entire school IT system crashes and they're only serving semolina in the Dining Hall.
But in the real world ... Today in 1860, Tom Hamilton galloped into Sacramento, California carrying 49 letters and 3 newspapers. He was riding the last leg of the first 1800 mile delivery service of the Pony Express. Riders carried two extra horses (not literally, of course - that would be just silly) and leapt on and off the saddle with the skill of rodeo stars. The news was spread at twice the speed of the Overland Stage Company. I think our dear old Royal Mail could learn a few things from them.

In other news ...
Today in 1882 the Anti-Semitic League was founded in Prussia. This group went on to believe a forged document called the Protocols of Zion which 'proved' attempts at world domination by the Jews and were no doubt overjoyed when Adolf Hitler wrote Mein Kampf. The sons of the League became the Nazis of the Thirties and did their best to wipe out the Jewish people, resulting in the estimated 55 million fatalities of World War Two.

12th April

President Harry S Truman got it right today in 1958 when he said 'A politician is a man who understands government ... A statesman is a politician who's been dead for ten or fifteen years.'

Spot on, S.

In other news ...

This was the day, legend says, when the Union Jack became the official flag of Britain. the only problem is when? Some accounts say 1606, three years after England and Scotland were first ruled by the same king (James VI or I depending on your grasp of Latin maths and country of origin).
Others say 1707 when the Act of Union formally united England and Scotland. Ireland didn't join (much against its better judgement) until 1801. So who knows? It didn't help of course that the flag only reflects England and Scotland in the crosses of St George and St Andrew, their respective patron saints. st David (Wales) and St Patrick (Ireland) didn't have heraldic crosses and I suspect the English and Scots were pretty miffed that the dragon and the shamrock made much more interesting heraldic designs, so the Union Jack ignores them completely.

11th April

A remarkable character was born today in 1929. He served in the US Navy, smoked a pipe all his life and had a deformed jaw. He only had one friend, who was addicted to beefburgers and his girlfriend left a lot to be desired in the hour glass figure stakes. He was constantly having run-ins with a moron with a beard and huge shoulders and there was a kid who looked just like him and was always crawling off high buildings. Robin Williams played him - not very well, it must be said. His real claim to fame was trying to get children - or indeed any sane adult - to eat spinach.

Thank you, Popeye, for what you've been.

In other news ...

William Anne Mary was crowned today in 1689, the only official hermaphrodite monarch of England (the unofficial ones, if you're wondering are: Richard I, Edward II and [almost] Wallis Simpson).

10th April

Bananas were on sale in Britain for the first time today in 1633. They are excellent, professional readers will tell you, for preventing growling or rumbling tummies, fatal for sound recordings (the rumbling, that is, not the bananas). An EU directive tried to straighten them out some years ago but it didn't work because the directive came from Brussels (which are round and green and responsible for much of the rumbling mentioned above).

In other news ...
Cairo Fred was born today in 1932. He is better known as Omar Sharif and is one of the world's best backgammon players (as Lord Lucan was, but Mr Sharif hasn't murdered his children's nanny or done a runner). Remember Omar coming out of that heat haze on a camel in Lawrence of Arabia? Magic.

9th April

Isambard Kingdom Brunel was born today in 1806. The greatest engineer of his age he built the Clifton suspension bridge, the Great Western Railway with its 7ft 1/4 inch gauge and the SS Great Britain steamship. The photo of him standing in front of the ship's anchor chains with his top hat on and a cigar clamped firmly in his lips is the epitome of the self-made man. They named a university after him and one or two of My Own Sixth Form have gone on to fine things at the University of Isambard.

In other news ... Francis Bacon died today in Highgate, London in 1626. He was a statesman, philosopher, Attorney-General, probable spy and quite a good egg (I am writing this on Easter Sunday, so eggs are very much on my mind as well as smeared down one trouser leg and thoroughly coating the cat, thanks to Nolan and his dear little egg-hunting friends from Mrs Whatmough's Academy For Young Delinquents). Rumour has it that he died of a cold brought on by trying to freeze a chicken by stuffing it with snow. If only he'd gone to Tesco's, like the rest of us.

8th April

The Russian ballet dancer Vaslav Nijinsky died today in 1950. The poor man had taken very early retirement (at 29) because he was suffering from schizophrenia. Half the time he thought he was a racehorse.

In other news ...
Jan van Riebeeck of the Dutch East India Company, gave orders to his men landing at the Cape of Good Hope in 1652 that anybody who mistreated an African was to receive 50 lashes of the whip in the presence of their victim.

How ironic that the descendants of these men slaughtered hundreds of Zulus at Blood River in 1836 and went on to set up Apartheid in our own time.