1st October

Kaiser Wilhelm II (he of the silly moustache and pickelhaube) gave orders to his generals today in 1914 - 'It is my royal and imperial command that you ... exterminate first the treacherous English and ... walk over General French's contemptible little army.'

He was obviously a tad confused. General French was an Englishman, despite his contrary surname and the German generals clearly weren't listening carefully enough. They didn't exterminate the British because the 'contemptibles' stopped them at Mons. I know I don't have to remind you of the score: Britain 1, Germany 0.

In other news ...
Louis Leakey died today in 1972. He was the brilliant, self-taught anthropologist who discovered 'Lucy', a partial skeleton in the Olduvai Gorge in Tanzania. His findings put him at odds with almost every other anthropologist over the issue of who was descended from whom. You and I, for example, dear reader, are descended from homo sapiens by way of homo habilis and all points south. Year Ten at Leighford High School are descended from homo deeply-stupidicus and, according to his mother at least, the testicles of Henry Guttersnipe (not his real name) haven't descended at all. Although why that should excuse the late delivery of his most recent essay, I am at a loss to explain.

2nd September

Sorry I missed yesterday, dear reader (I have done it now, so scroll backwards to read it) but as the new term looms I had to pop in to see Mr Gove to put him straight on a few matters. And don't worry - he won't be bothering any of us again.

Now, to more important matters ...

Ho Chi Minh (he of the city and the trail) made a nuisance of himself in Hanoi today in 1945 by proclaiming the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. As Commie as apple pie, he upset the Japanese, the French, the British and finally the Americans, leading to the deaths of thousands.

Why can't people realize that foreign powers lording it over them know best? (See Owain Glyndwr, William Wallace, Toussaint L'Overture, the Founding Fathers, Geronimo, Jomo Kenyatta etc etc etc).

In other news ...
Louis Napoleon surrendered to Kaiser Wilhelm of Prussia today in 1870 after being thoroughly trounced in the Franco-Prussian War which would see the new state of Germany emerge the following year. Masters of efficient and organized warfare, the Prussians had 26 railway lines to transport their troops to the killing fields. The French had one.

Go, as both the French and the Germans say today, figure.